I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
