I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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