My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
