I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
