so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
