OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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