my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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