And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
