I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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