my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
