Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm at about main and main street
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
