I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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