Umm I'm too high to move.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
