Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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