Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
