He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
