You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
