I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
