he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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