i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
