After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
