I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
