Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
be right there i have to get my cape
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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