I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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