So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
