so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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