Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
