Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
