I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
