well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
