He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
