East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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