Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
