I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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