Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
