he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize