bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
