remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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