We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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