Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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