Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I touched a dick in church today
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
