O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
