all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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