I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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