My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
