dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
