I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
