Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
