either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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