why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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