I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
