pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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