This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize