I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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