He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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