My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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