my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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