i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
