If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
