he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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