i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, beer. Big fan.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
