I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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