she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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