I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
