last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
