drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
