wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
