I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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