i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
