Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
