omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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