just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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