There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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