also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
