There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
