You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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