I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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