Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
