I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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