just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize