I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there's paper in my vomit.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is the high leading the old right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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