she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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