I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize