i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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