1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
