a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
