if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
