I will die if light touches me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
